The Rainbow After the Storms

Loss...I hadn’t experienced heartbreak, until my 30’s.💔

I didn’t think this picture would be possible. In July 2012 we had our first loss...I was so excited for baby #4, I thought I was 11 weeks pregnant and had no problems, I went to the Doctors that day alone because J was working in the mountains, I heard, “I’m sorry but there’s no heartbeat.” I cried out to the Lord and prayed for 2.5 hours as I waited in my car for the next appointment to officially confirm through another ultrasound, that my worst fears were true… our baby #4 was in heaven.  I was heartbroken and thought I’d done something wrong that had harmed our baby, like eating deli meat. I had a D&C 1 week later, which was equally traumatizing feeling as if I was choosing to let our baby go.  Our daughter knew that her baby sibling was the sister she had been praying for and so she named her Eve.

December 2012 we found out we were pregnant again! 💕 I rejoiced and was so thankful as I longed for baby #4. At what should have been 13 weeks in February 2013, I again was alone at the Doctors and found out the baby had also died at 11 weeks. Never did I think this would happen to me again, I thought it was a fluke, not a terrible repeating pattern. That sweet baby, who my girl named Sarah, was born that week at home, and we buried her. 

Finally, God did give us our miracle rainbow baby, 🌈born 3/2014. He was a blessing to all of our hurting hearts and I’m forever grateful for our sweet boy. Our family was finally complete with the four kiddos I had longed for. The 3 year year gap between the last two is forever a reminder of Eve and Sarah.💕

In August 2015 I was given an amazing birthday gift, we got the news of another pregnancy! We sold our mini van and bought a bigger car to fit five kiddos and found out again at 11 weeks that we had another baby, Caleb, enter heaven before we ever got to hold him.  As I look back over the pain and heartache, I’m thankful for all God has given us...our 4 babies (that many hurting mamas I know still don’t have in their arms) and our 3 babies that are in heaven allow me to minister to other hurting mamas, & pray for the broken-hearted in a way I could have never quite understood before.

I learned to depend on God in my pain and that even in sorrow and loss HE is good. We have experienced loss, and pain and fear, yet in all of this we had  hope and eventually so much joy and goodness.  I share my story for those of you who are still hurting to say, we are here. The millions of other women who have suffered with you. We are heartbroken for your loss. We are here to listen and offer meals and help with whatever you need, we are here for prayers and listening ears. We remember your babies.💕 For those of you still suffering in your pain, I am praying for you, sister. If you need a shoulder to cry on or someone to pray for you, I am here and am so sorry for your loss.